2010年1月23日 星期六

To Heal, To Grow


我不忍見你滿面愁容,只能說些無濟於事的話語,在你身邊竟是如此困難,困難到連一個無聲的擁抱都做不到。



"親愛的,你該上床睡覺了"

"是的,爹地。" "可是...上次的故事還沒講完啊,M的頭髮最後到底怎麼了呢?"

"他的頭髮一直長、一直長,長到月球去了!"

"就像傑克的魔豆一樣嗎?" "所以接下來他就會找到寶藏箱嗎?"

"可能就在他的頭髮裡面噢!"

"真的嗎?" "所以M就從此過著幸福快樂的生活嗎?"

"我們希望囉!"

"我也這麼希望!"

"就像安徒生的童話故事一樣啊!"

"那我相信這個童話故事!"















2010年1月21日 星期四

Roller Coaster


出差四天,所有可能發生的事都發生了,這世界上沒有任何一座雲霄飛車能夠比真實人生更加刺激的了。


即便病入膏肓,所有流質的非流質的食物都難以下嚥,我終究參加了玫桂的婚宴。門扉開啟,當年的女孩在爸爸的帶領下步入宴會廳,見著了她堅定的笑容,感性在我胃裡翻攪,我願上天能夠慷慨地予妳這世上所有的幸福。宴會後女孩們聚在一起談論人生,前些日子累積的困惑事實上絲毫未減,且如同漣漪般一圈一圈地擴散。


終於退到牆角,僅能以言語向你回擊,接著便喪失了意志力。星期一在同事的電話中醒來,困在床上動彈不得,撥電話請爸爸來載,這一載就直接進了急診室,照X光、驗血、驗尿、吊點滴,隔天中午又回到辦公室,時間不斷推進也毫不憐憫。晚上回到空蕩蕩的家,不知道跟誰說話便直覺撥給姐姐,對著電話泣不成聲,說了很多任性的話,其中卻也包含著潛意識裡真正的決心。


M寫信來,署名你的丹麥泰山、森林之王、萬物的統治者,要是珍是性感女神就好了。我也想要以七、八十年的人生態度來看待人與人之間幽微的緣分際遇,但我總做不到,我自私的想要擁有你在每個當下,無論有形無形。


一場研討會不僅止於講者談話、聽者學習,晚宴上誰和誰比鄰而坐、計程車裡誰與誰談話都藏著玄機,我在人群中的格格不入反而使我發著光,因而在眾多視而不見中被誰看見了。


把自己敲碎後再度拼湊起來,我知道自己已經能夠慢慢前行,但距離完全癒合仍有一段路程。我以為自己太過執著,而後才明白你也不願輕易放手,寫信也好,我喜歡花上很長的時間只為寫一封信給你,然後相信你一直就在這裡。













2010年1月14日 星期四

Talking Only Me & You


Think this is pretty much about what we've been doing,

talking only me and you.








Young Folks

by Peter, Bjorn & John



if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no-one will surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through

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